if you like me you must not know who I am
At least make sure they are 18
Why
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
