Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
