i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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