so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize