I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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