No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
