I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I need to stop coming to work sober
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
