I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
