Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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