do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
