so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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