I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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