I am full of burrito and curiosity
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
