1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
