sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
