I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
