i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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