We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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