Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
