So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
