She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
