I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
