my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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