I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
