Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize