i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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