mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
