first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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