man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
