so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize