I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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