nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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