I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
