Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think my moral compass just broke
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
