I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
