After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
