smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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