honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
