I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
