my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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