he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
