This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
