just tell him i said nine months
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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