thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
