omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize