Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize