I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
