so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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