mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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