I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
