Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
