why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
