So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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