Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You pole danced in your parka.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
my poor anus
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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