last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i believe in u and ur pee
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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