hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
