I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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