Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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