I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
