Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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