Michael Bay diarrhea
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
