idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
