I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
