I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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