When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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