Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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