Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
