Swine flu. Run for my life!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
