Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i out mim tonsoeep
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
