final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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