If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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