I can text with my tongue
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
